So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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