Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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