why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
