I am puke
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
