That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
