i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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