I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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