I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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