Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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