Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
