Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
