oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
