thus making me awesome and them whores
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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