Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
