I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?