If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We need to feng shui this bitch.