hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.