bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.