god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.