I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys