First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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