Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
