On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i may or may not be watching the land before time
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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