That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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