So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize