so explain again why im purple
no
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
