duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
