I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
