He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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