I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
