Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dicks are not precious.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
