Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
