that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
