Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
