Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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