It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
