If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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