I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
