I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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