I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
