I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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