i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
