I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
