Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
