If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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