the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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