you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
