If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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