Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
