More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
