what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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