You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize