puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
