I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
