wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
