Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
