I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
