Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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