so let's talk penis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
