what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
