Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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