worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
