that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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