I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
