Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
