sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
