Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
