Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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