That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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